Wednesday, January 29, 2014

Cool Spy-Like Maneuvers

When I see an armored car doing a drop off...

I always watch them very closely..

Looking for errors.

Errors that would allow me to rob them successfully.

And without confrontation.

My brain constructs elaborate plans.

Getaways involving multiple cars and well-timed maneuvers.

No Fast and Furious style drifting here.

No guns. No violence.

Just simple blending in...and cool spy-like moves.

My favorite part is where I rip off my mustache, wrap it up in my hoodie and toss the incriminating items into a dumpster in an alley behind a coffee shop (5 minutes before pickup)...

Where I walk in, smile, order my usual and sit down to update my Facebook status about something mundane and silly, while waiting for the local news to come on so I can hear about the armored car robbery...

Where they show security camera footage of a mustachioed man in a hat and sunglasses, calmly walking by and taking the loot...

And a few seconds later a befuddled armored car driver looking around cluelessly for the bag.

I smile wide at the police sketch artist as I think "That guy looks nothing like me." but then my eyes grow wide as I say "Am I really THAT fat?"

The lady on the TV says that the driver has been suspended.

To make this right I put a bunch of bills in a bag and mail it to him anonymously...

Along with a note that says "I won't tell if you won't."

I'd never actually do it.

But in my head I am really damn good at it.

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